DNA Delight

My high school friend Sandy did her MD/PhD at the University of Chicago while I was a post-doc at MIT. We talked a lot on the phone, often complaining about our laboratory experiments. At one point she was complaining that she had 160,000 milligrams of DNA at the end of one step of her protocol and it had all disappeared and she was quite distraught. She was exaggerating, of course, but it made me wonder (I don't know why) how much DNA is in a person. I calculated about 32 grams. (Diploid genome of 6,000,000,000 base pairs in around 5,000,000,000,000 cells times 660 g/mol/bp divided by Avogadro's number is 32 grams.)

Hilariously, I got to use that calculated number not once, but twice in the following week.

One night I was having dinner with Russell and Sarah (friends from grad school who were doing their post-docs out there). I was telling them about how I had prepared almost 1 gram of DNA from a bunch of human cell lines. Russell asked, "Wow. How much DNA is in a person?" Hah! I was able to say, in tempo, "About 32 grams, according to my calculations."

And then I was talking with David (boss) and Dianne (another lab member) and we were talking about acquiring control Asian DNA samples for Dianne's genotyping project. Dianne was saying about how one of her collaborators was making off-color suggestions about how they might take advantage of China's quick and liberal use of the death penalty. Collecting a little toe from 100 executed Chinese criminals would give Dianne all the DNA she needs. David asked, "How much DNA is in a person?" Hah! Once again, I trotted out, "About 32 grams, according to my calculations."

After I told Sandy about my calculations, we got into a discussion on what one would do with that much DNA. I was telling her how I've always wondered what it tastes like. One of my favorite things to do in lab is spooling genomic DNA out of solution. At the end of the genomic DNA preparation, you make little glass hooks out of pasteur pipettes and hook the DNA out of its alcohol/salt bath. Since most of my work is with microliter quantities of clear, colorless solutions, I really love the parts where you can actually see something of what you're doing. At the end you end up with a glob of DNA (only in milligram quanitities, though). I've always wondered what it would taste like. Sandy replied that I should try to market that - selling "DNA delight" to the masses. For whatever reason, that inspired me to rewrite the lyrics to "Afternoon delight" by the Starland Vocal Band. The original is a goofy song (which often makes top ten lists of worst songs ever written) about having a nooner:

Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
Gonna grab some afternoon delight
My motto's always been 'when it's right, it's right'
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?

When everything's a little clearer in the light of day
And we know the night is always gonna be there any way

Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
Looking forward to a little afternoon delight
Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite
And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting
Sky rockets in flight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight

Started out this morning feeling so polite
I always though a fish could not be caught who wouldn't bite
But you've got some bait a waitin' and I think I might try nibbling
A little afternoon delight
Sky rockets in flight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight

Please be waiting for me, baby, when I come around
We could make a lot of lovin' 'for the sun goes down

Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite
Looking forward to a little afternoon delight
Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ingite
And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting
Sky rockets in flight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight
Afternoon delight

***

Here’s my version, hawking my new flavor supplement:

Gonna eat some lunch, 'cause the time is right
Gonna grab some DNA Delight
I always like to wind the double helix tight
Since the molecule of life is such a luscious sight

Add a pinch or two of salt to precipitate
And the final base-paired product will be so great

Thinking of it's working up my appetite
Looking forward to a little DNA Delight
Eating G and A and T and C makes sparks ignite
And the thought of DNA is getting so exciting

Transcription in sight
DNA Delight
DNA Delight
DNA Delight

Be waiting for me baby, when I come around
We can make a lot of transcripts 'fore the sun goes down

Thinking of it's working up my appetite
Looking forward to a little DNA Delight
Eating purines and pyrimidines makes sparks ignite
And the thought of DNA is getting so exciting

Transcription in sight
DNA Delight
DNA Delight
DNA Delight
DNA Delight!